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Mike Pence Is No Longer Legally Allowed To Own Small Rodents After Classified Gerbil Incident

Mike Pence Is No Longer Legally Allowed To Own Small Rodents After Classified Gerbil Incident

US Vice President Mike Pence has been given a lifetime restriction from buying or possessing small rodents, including feeder mice, gerbils, shrews, baby rats, as well as dwarf and teddy bear hamsters. According to an anonymous source from within the White House, Pence was involved in a top secret incident involving a gerbil which directly resulted in this permanent ban involving all small rodents worldwide.

Rumors within the White House suggest that Pence has bought a ferret and a fancy rat as a result of the small rodent ban levied against him.

"Pence laughed at the idea of this tiny rodent restriction," said the anonymous source. "The vice president is a big boy and can handle playing with ferrets and rats that measure over a foot long."

Another anonymous source from within the White House suggested that Pence has become "depressed behind closed doors" and "longs for his beloved gerbil Oliver to return to him."

As of this writing, Oliver the Gerbil is currently in critical condition in the Trump International Pet Hospital/Hotel/Casino. The reason behind the gerbil's extensive injuries have yet to be disclosed to the public. Most information regarding Oliver has been classified by the American government.

Despite Oliver's life-threatening injuries, reports from the hospital suggest that the rodent is conscious and able to communicate. Flake News reporters tried reaching Oliver for an interview, but the gerbil wouldn't allow visitors.

According to hospital records, Pence has made numerous visits over the past week to the Trump International Pet Hospital/Hotel/Casino.

One hospital staffer who would prefer to remain nameless said that "Pence has tried desperately to reach Oliver. Every day and night this week he has showed up with cheese and flowers. But he's blocked from entering [Oliver's] room per the gerbil's request."

 
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