New Trump Budget Hotel Chain ‘Trump Tumors’ To Be Made Entirely from Asbestos Says President
In an astounding revelation it was announced today by the Commander-in-Chief in a press conference that the Trump Hotels business is developing a new brand of budget hotels specifically targeting the poor and undocumented illegal immigrants as their demographic for the potential customer base. A new construction method is to be used where the hotels will be entirely prefabricated in factories in China then transported to the given sites for construction and commissioning. The individual sections of the hotel will be manufactured entirely using blue asbestos, a material previously thought to be highly dangerous and one of the most carcinogenic substances on the planet.
President Trump was dismissive of criticisms of his choice of building materials and the fact that manufacturing will take place entirely in China, a decision that seems to fly in the face of his ‘bring these jobs home’ to make America great again policy.
“I don’t understand what these live on your knee, wet liberal, ‘save the planet’ losers are carping on about. It’s an exquisite solution to a lot of America’s problems. Such a visionary scheme as this can only have been dreamed up by a mega-Braniac genius and you’re looking at him folks!”
When asked to expand on this ludicrous assertion, Trump went on to say, “Look, we hate the Chinese, right? Asbestos is a killer, right? You do the math!”
It was pointed out by the ever present reporter from the HuffPost that the president for once was 100% correct, asbestos is a killer, and would continue to be so once the hotels were constructed and commissioned in the US.
“A lot of things got a bad name under previous presidents, such as asbestos, coal and fraud. As a result good people lost their jobs. The construction industry in particular suffered under Obama and crooked Hillary. I’m turning this around. It’ll be our Mexicans and African American construction workers that’ll be slotting these buildings together. I’m bringing jobs back home.”
A reporter from the UK comic ‘the Beano’ pressed the president on the issue of the toxicity of the building material specifically that it would likely cause the deaths of not only the construction workers but anybody crazy enough to stay in the hotels, or even live down wind of one.
“Yeah, but you’re not taking the target demographic into consideration. These death houses aren’t going to be put up in Manhattan or anywhere half decent. They’re going to be built in crap-hole places where there’s a lot of drugs, crime, and bums. Quite frankly we’d be better off without these low lifes,” said the president, “What’s more we’re aiming for 100% occupancy 24/7 so we’re offering free booze and setting the room rental tariff at $10 a night for a family of twenty… terrific value… terrific.”
The World Health Authority is yet to comment but a spokesman for the American Psychiatric Association was quoted as saying, “Isn’t it about time someone offed this lunatic?”
Photo by Michael Vadon | CC-BY-SA-2.0