Toad, of Mario Brothers Fame, Finally Locates Estranged Twin Brother In Donald Trump’s Pants
Millions of Trump haters around the world are eagerly awaiting the release of adult film star Stormy Daniels’ new book, “Full Disclosure.” This week, articles about the book revealed that her story includes a description of Trump’s private parts in vivid and unsettling detail. While her account of Donald Trump’s genitalia may have left most people nauseated and wanting to gauge their own eyes out, it hit much closer to home for the Mario Brothers fan favorite, Toad. I sat down with Toad in an exclusive interview that he only gave to Flake News regarding the breaking story.
“Hello, Toad. It’s nice to meet you, sorry for all of those times that I hit you and your vehicle with a red turtle shell.”
“Nevermind….Anyway, why has the news of Trump’s appearance below the belt been particularly upsetting for you?”
“Well..once the story broke and I read Stormy’s description, I knew that this was no ordinary penis. I believe that this is where my estranged twin brother, Troad, must have vanished to all those years ago.”
“Why do you believe he would seek shelter in Trump’s nether region, of all places?”
“Troad was always a big fan of Donald Trump. He admired his ability to manipulate those around him and he also enjoyed his steaks. I felt they were a bit dry. Anywho, in the height of his drug addiction, Troad admitted that he was jealous of my success and wanted to be around someone who was also terribly insecure and bitter, hence his journey to find Trump.”
“Do you hold out any hope that he will return home to make amends?”
“I don’t. I think that right now, he is in a great position. He gets to sleep with tons of women that aren’t Trump’s wife and spend most of his time at country clubs. Who would give that up? I also heard rumors that he has recently taken up white supremacy so he’s where he belongs.”
“If Troad sees this interview, is there anything you’d like him to know?”
“I guess that as his brother, I hope he finds happiness. But as an American who still believes in democracy and doesn’t appreciate young children being put in cages at the hands of a mad man, I hope that slimy devil ends up behind bars.”
Neither Troad or Donald Trump could be reached on the golf course for comment.
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America || CC-BY-SA-2.0