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Rotten Tomatoes Set To Review All News Media Outlets

Rotten Tomatoes Set To Review All News Media Outlets

In an attempt to improve American life by eliminating a constant negative, the review-aggregation website Rotten Tomatoes will critique our nation’s media outlets.

All media corporations, such as Fox, CNN, NBC, Washington Post, and Flake News will be given a percentile score by Rotten Tomatoes that is judged based on several components of the content.

The information being produced will go through a “content purifier” that determines if a sentence is true or false, negative or positive, and if opinions are involved. The website is highly revered for its movie critiques, so its moderators believe they could achieve the same reassurance for our news media.

“[Rotten Tomatoes] understands that people deserve to know when they’re being fed crap,” says Rotten Tomatoes intern Rachel Pine. “It is our duty to do the dirty, critical work for ordinary people who don’t have the time.”

What would be the point of taking in information if it wasn’t true? Fortunately, Rotten Tomatoes will be running fact checks on every sentence that comes out of news anchors’ mouths, fingers, or asses. Facts will be evaluated by witness testimonials, physical evidence, video content, etc.

It is important to know about the evils going on in the world around you, but it is also beneficial to understand when unnecessary evils enter your world. That’s why Rotten Tomatoes will evaluate each sentence as being negative or positive. You don’t need Tomi Lahren putting a damper on your day for no reason.

Speaking of Tomi Lahren, the final component in computing the score will be an opinion recorder. The news is supposed to be a source of information, not an open mic. A whole country doesn’t need to hear how their messengers feel about the information. That’s the job of the viewer.

Realistically, a thorough evaluation like this will have its downsides. To prevent the richest media outlets from saturating scores, production value will not be determined. Sexy graphics shouldn’t determine where you get your information, right? If you are someone who would have their day ruined by green screen static or an unfocused lens, maybe you should ignore this and stick to Fox.

DISCLAIMER – this idea is hypothetical. If you believed it as true, maybe a Rotten Tomatoes media score would be right for you.

 

 

Photo by minds-eye | CC-BY-SA 2.0

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