Trump Brags About Florence: No One Hurricane's Like I Hurricane
Late last evening in his flood-proof bunker President Donald Trump addressed the nation on Hurricane Florence. He opened his statement by remarking, "Boy that was a hurricane! I will tell you that." The President himself was not in any area at risk of being a hit in the storm however he did send his entire cabinet toward the eye of the storm. "Let's see how much anonymity helps you with the flash floods," the always vengeful president warned.
That was all just in the first three minutes of his remarks. He really hit his stride about ten minutes in when he started attacking President Barack Obama, "That guy, he did not know how to give you a good hurricane... Sandy, that was weak, very weak and Obama's to blame for that." Trump then began to brag about the size of Hurricane Florence, "It is big, very big, it is a bigly hurricane and that is because I know how to hurricane. None of this weak Obama hurricane stuff. If we hurricane, we go big. If a hurricane happens under my watch it's going to be big, it's going to be bad and it's going to blow your house down... that's just the kind of president I am."
There was brief confusion once the president began taking questions. A reporter asked what the president planned on "doing to Florence" and seemingly mistaking the Hurricane for a woman, the president said he'd "do what I always do...grab 'em by the p****." When he was told Florence was the name of the hurricane, Trump informed the press corps to hold off on any more questions until Sarah Huckabee Sanders could arrive and lie to them.
The president's address did end with a stern warning to "evacuate." Trump noted he did everything he could to protect the particularly white and racist areas the storm was expected to hit but that "if you're a minority, I really don't know what to tell you... you should've voted for me, call the Clinton Foundation, you're their problem."
Special thanks to Ora Ehrlich for the help with this article.