Trump Signs Contract With ‘Snap-On-Babes’ To Provide Background Beauties At Redneck Rallies
US company ‘Snap-On-Babes’ has won a $30m contract with the Trump organization to provide three beauty queens to be permanently in the background behind Donald Trump when he appears in public.
“We’re absolutely delighted with the deal,” crowed the company CEO, Rodriguez Hardon, “We’ve got the curves the big man wants as his backdrop and he’s prepared to pay the big bucks for them.”
The company was a garage start-up five years ago. It was set up to provide celebrities with people in the background they wanted to be seen with and has been a rip-roaring success.
“I saw a huge gap in the market,” boasted Hardon, “Famous people were appearing in pictures and videos with any old hobbledehoy hanging around in the background. They didn’t want that! Ugly fatties with spotty chops and scruffy beards, beer guts hanging out and covered in biker tattoos stood behind them staring into the camera with their vacuous frying pan faces… and the men were worse. So, I got off my ass and did something about it. Now you can have a babble of bathing beauties snuggling up together as your backdrop, cooing and pouting at the back of your neck. Who wouldn’t want that at a red-neck rally?”
Hardon went on to express his gratitude to President Trump.
“His contract has really put us on the map. We’re getting enquiries now from top politicians from all across the globe. We’ve even had one from Pope Francis, but that’s a special - they need to be kitted out as nuns in bikinis.”
The company’s unique selling point is that only beautiful young ladies, many of them ex models and beauty pageant winners will be used. These ladies will be attached to the back panel of a special waistcoat worn by the subject using Titanium wires. A super-fine but really strong mesh that can’t be seen on camera encases the girls so no ugly fat lard-butt can suddenly squeeze into the space they occupy directly behind the subject.
About the mesh, Hardon said, “I’m no pimp, not now anyway. This is hi-tech stuff and cost a bomb, but well worth every penny. It guarantees the president, or whoever the subject is, only has the prettiest girls standing there right behind him, making him look like a real fanny magnet!”
Hardon revealed he has plans for a much bigger Titanium corralling system that can handle up to 100 beauty queens, and a male model version in development especially for Hillary Clinton’s come back, should it ever happen.
“The big ‘C’ could use a helping hand nowadays. She’s no spring chicken. Her and Bill have gone very leathery in the face lately, so she could do with half a dozen bronzed hunks, shirts slashed to the waist, medallions flashing in the spotlights, standing drooling behind her. There’s plenty of cash in the Clinton Foundation to plunder. She could ‘do a Trump’ and syphon a few million from the charity pot to pay me, surely?”