Cynthia Nixon Has No Experience As A Corrupt Politician And That's A Problem: How Miranda Caused An Uproar In New York...Again
Former Sex and the City star and current contender for New York governor Cynthia Nixon is hoping to win despite the cards being stacked against her in New York's gubernatorial Democratic primary election. Cuomo currently has a wide lead over Nixon as the Democrat Party bankrolls him millions of dollars in advertisements over his opponent.
"She's not corrupt enough to do politics," said an anonymous source who claims to be an associate of NY Governor Andrew Cuomo. "How the hell are we going to get away with pay-for-play schemes under her? It was hard enough under Cuomo. So many people got pinched. Only the lucky ones wriggled through. Even the guy he referred to as a "brother" [Joe Percoco] got locked up on three felonies. We don't need these progressive busybodies getting in the way of our plans. We got donors and contributors to please, not the people of New York."
Nixon said in an interview with Flake News that, "Cuomo has basically bought the media with all the millions of dollars backing him. Meanwhile, where's my money and mass media attention? Why aren't I being put on an equal playing field with this straight white male? I thought this party was about promoting women who are breaking through that glass ceiling, you know?"
Cuomo currently has a 41 point lead over Nixon who still believes there's hope in victory come primary day. Meanwhile, Cuomo commercials blare on television screens across the northeast, featuring him as a strongman who will take the fight to Trump with music in the style of Pulp Fiction playing in the background.
Joe Percoco, longtime friend of Cuomo, will face sentencing one week after the primary, on Thursday, September 20. Percoco was found guilty of three felonies: one count for the solicitation of bribes or gratuities, and two counts of conspiracy to commit honest services wire fraud.
The New York Post has called the Cuomo-led Buffalo Billion plan "beyond corrupt" and even more "evidence" of pay-for-play politics in his administration.
Flake News caught up with a blue-haired New Yorker walking her dog. She said, "This is why politics is so disappointing. This state could have its first female, bi-sexual governor, but the party-in-charge seems to be going with their cookie-cutter straight white male yet again. The times really haven't changed at all."
Cuomo was reached for comment but didn't get back to Flake News in time for publication.
In a final appeal to the disenfranchised incels of New York, Nixon said that "if you vote for me, I'll teach you how to get laid. Didn't you see Sex and the City? I got this."
Photo by David Shankbone | CC-BY-3.0 Unported