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Trump’s Fury At Latest ‘Thomas The Tank Engine’ Book Disclosures

Trump’s Fury At Latest ‘Thomas The Tank Engine’ Book Disclosures

 

Embattled President Donald Trump was once again reeling from disclosures in another tome to be published shortly. Following the plethora of recent books exposing serious cracks in the Trump administration, the latest to set the president’s blood boiling is from the Thomas the Tank Engine series. The book that has Trump’s face on a new station master character called Tiflam - The Incompetent Fat Lying Adulterous Megalomaniac - is to be published on September 12 in the US and worldwide the following week.

In a marked departure from the ‘Thomas’ franchise’s normal format there are several more bizarre characters in the book including an engine with eyes that constantly glance sideways that talks with a dumb sounding southern drawl, called ‘Sessy;’ a bespectacled engine with a grey moustache that only carries bombs called ‘Bolto;’ an engineer called ‘Cohen’ who used to go around oiling the wheels using bags of money but now lives in a dungeon; Tiflam’s wife, ‘Humelliatia,’ who lives unhappily in a palatial signal box; and Tiflam’s daughter ‘Ivantmore’ who is excessively greedy and is married to a lizard.

The book is pitched at the pre-teens children’s market and includes episodes such as:

Tiflam gets blackmailed over the gold shower tapes.

Tiflam screws the West

Tiflam screws NATO

Tiflam screws his escorts

Tiflam and the red-neck rally riots

Tiflam uses the ‘D’ word (a reference to sooty diesel engines - the underclass)

Tiflam brings back coal and the world goes dark

Tiflam starts an unnecessary trade war with his neighbours and screws his own economy by mistake. (A particularly intriguing story for those interested in global economics and drawings of pretend trains).

“It’s a work of fiction!” barked the angry president to the hastily assembled press, who surprisingly all agreed with him.

The president concluded the press call by saying, “That said, it’s a great drawing of me, though, isn’t it?... great drawing!”

 
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