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New York Times Offers Name Of ‘Anonymous Source’ In Exchange For Trump Tax Returns

New York Times Offers Name Of ‘Anonymous Source’ In Exchange For Trump Tax Returns

 

Following the commander-in-chief’s call for the New York Times to give up the name of the anonymous writer of a damning article about how Trump is being ‘managed’ in office, the newspaper has offered a straight swap. If Trump publishes his unredacted tax returns then the paper will name its source.


The recent NYT article, apparently written by a Trump appointee and holding down a senior position in the Trump administration claimed that Trump is so cuckoo that people around him have started hiding anything that could be harmful from him. This includes plastic disposable cutlery. 
A close aide to Trump who wishes to remain anonymous said, “Had it not been for that bloody article, fatso would still be trying to eat his lunchtime soup with his fingers. Now the joke’s over what’s left to laugh at except the state he’s gotten the country in?”


More damning articles are expected from the NYT in the coming days and it is rumoured they include the following shocking revelations:


Trump wears a nappy. The narcissistic maniac is too idle to get up and go to the restroom, so he ‘wraps it all up’ till bedtime.

 


Trump’s hair is real but his head is a wig.


Trump talks in his sleep – in fact he frequently calls newspaper offices and dobs himself in when having his post prandial zizz in the Oval Office.


Trump can’t play golf so he employs a camouflaged midget to run out on the greens and put the ball in the little hole for him.


Trump thinks Ivanka is his wife and Jared Kushner is her pet lizard.


Trump has Hilary Clinton’s face tattooed on his backside, the butthole being where the mouth goes.


Trump isn’t Trump. It’s Steve Bannon in disguise, and Bannon is Putin’s love child.

 


The most bizarre revelation of all is that Donald Trump is being taught by John Bolton to fart out the letters of the alphabet so when Trump declares war on Iran he can do it using his butthole.


President Trump has responded to the offer made by the NYT by farting out the two letters ‘F’ and ‘U.’


We eagerly await tomorrow’s edition of the NYT, assuming it doesn’t ‘fail’ overnight.

 

 

Photo by paalia  |  CC-BY-2.0

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