NRA Announces Colin Kaepernick Endorsement Deal, Millions Of Conflicted Trump Supporters Burn Guns
Outrage, shock, disbelief, and sadness could be felt across Red America today as the National Rifle Association (NRA) followed Nike's lead and announced a new endorsement deal of their own with controversial former NFL star Colin Kaepernick. Millions of Trump supporters flooded YouTube with videos showing themselves burning their guns in angry protest. These protests have led to numerous injuries as many of the guns were still loaded with bullets when thrown in their respective fires. Stock prices for Smith & Wesson, Colt and other American gun manufacturers have tanked by almost 33% in some cases.
NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre responded to a request for comment saying, "This endorsement deal makes a lot of sense if you look at it from a business standpoint; we worked directly with gun manufacturers and went with this plan because we think that it is the most profitable in the long run. A large majority of gun homicides in this country are committed by and against minorities, so we thought it would be more lucrative to directly tap into that market and sell it to them directly and make more money." The NRA plans to take an argument directly to the Supreme Court that owning a gun is an absolute right and that all Americans should be able to own one regardless of age, race, criminal history, and psychological issues. Wayne said, "If I can get to a point where newborns are coming out of their mothers already strapped I can die a happy man, knowing I've done God's work."
The Flake News conducted a quick interview with a Trump supporter as he was getting ready to burn all of his guns-
Reporter: What do you hope to accomplish with this protest?
Trump Supporter: Kaepernick was disrespectful to our veterans when he kneeled during the National Anthem! The NRA hiring him is just as disrespectful and so I'm protesting them by burning all of these guns!
Reporter: How will you protect yourself now?
Trump Supporter: The president said I should now by AKs from Russia, so that's what I'm going to do. Whatever it takes to Make America Great Again!!
Reporter: I heard Pfizer might make a similar endorsement deal, will you do the same with your meds?
Trump Supporter: Hell yeah! I need America to be great more than I need that stupid heart medicine. Alright, I've put the gasoline on so let's light this sucker up!
Reporter: Have you checked the guns to make sure that they're not armed?
Trump Supporter: The hell with that liberal propaganda! Let it all burn!!
At this point the reporter temporarily ended the interview and ran for his life as there were at least 20 guns in the pile, including assault rifles and shotguns.
We finished the interview with the Trump supporter at the hospital after he was done being bandaged up and ready to be discharged The reporter asked again if this was all really due to disrespecting the veterans and the Trump supporter responded with, "Of course! No one should ever disrespect our veterans!" When asked about his thoughts on the president disrespecting deceased veteran, war hero, and Senator John McCain numerous times including by raising the flag to full mast before he had been interred, the Trump supporter said, "McCain ain't no war hero! I heard from the president that when he was in captivity he was kept in a damn Hilton!! I heard the president is going to pull McCain's security clearance next! That's why I'm going home now to burn the rest of my guns, that batch I burned earlier was only my travel set."
Photo by Erik Drost | CC-BY-2.0