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Pope Francis Accuses Trump Of Being ‘Crap At Cover-Ups’

Pope Francis Accuses Trump Of Being ‘Crap At Cover-Ups’

 

On his recent visit to the Republic of Ireland, the first papal visit to the country in 39 years, Pope Francis was caught on mic lashing out at President Donald Trump. The incident occurred after the Supreme Pontiff had concluded celebrating mass at Dublin’s Phoenix Park. Immediately following Pope Francis begging forgiveness for members of the Catholic Church's hierarchy who "kept quiet" about clerical child abuse, the pontiff slipped round the back of the stage for a ‘quick cig and a widdle.’ 


Forgetting he was still wearing his radio microphone Pope Francis launched into a scathing attack on President Trump calling him a cack-handed amateur when it came to burying sex scandals.

 


“Doesn’t the imbecile know the rules of how to cover up his crap properly?” the pontiff barked down his cell phone to Cardinal Pietro Parolin, “It’s not ‘lie and deny’ followed by a secret cash bung through a dodgy lawyer, it’s ‘confession and contrition’ followed by fighting every child abuse case tooth and nail through the courts, and never ever let the Feds see your records. Keep those suckers well hidden from prying eyes otherwise we’ll all end up in chokey!”


Later, as Pope Francis was boarding his luxury jet chartered with cash from the collection plates passed amongst the poor, he waved goodbye and rather peculiarly misquoted Matthew 19:14, saying, “Suffer little children… but make sure you cover it up afterwards.”

 

 

Photo by Shealah Craighead  |  CC-BY-3.0 United States

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