UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

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Hunter's Emotional Needs Bunny

Hunter's Emotional Needs Bunny

Duckin’ Hunter, the Southern California Republican Congressman indicted for spending more than $250,000 in campaign funds on personal expenses, was viewed as a war hero and rising star of the GOP until the charges emerged. An early backer of President Donald Trump, Hunter preached the need for fiscal restraint to constituents while picking up the tab for tequila shots for his buddies and flying the family rabbit on donor dollars.

“Don't worry, he’s preparing his own “Checkers” speech,” said one of his close advisors, who wished to remain anonymous. “It saved Richard Nixon’s career - why wouldn’t it work for Duncan? It’s not like the party base cares a wit about corruption anymore…unless it’s a woman named Hillary.”

Richard Nixon famously saved his own political neck in 1952 on TV by explaining away the misuse of $18,000 in campaign funds (about $170,000 in 2018 dollars) supplied from dubious sources by ending with a homey story about the Cocker Spaniel named Checkers that was given to his daughter by an admirer. This might have worked for Duckin’ - if only he had hesitated before throwing his wife under the bus.

 

 

“Whatever she did, that will be looked at, too, I’m sure,” Hunter said in a Fox News interview. “I didn’t do it. I didn’t spend any money illegally.” 

Apparently the man with zero balances in his bank accounts didn’t question his wife on the source of funds when she spent $14,000 on an Italian family vacation. And perhaps voters should show pity for an ambitious Congressman struggling to get by on $174,000 a year while voting against Obamacare and for tax cuts benefiting the wealthiest Americans.

Fox & Friends, a friendly forum for any conservative pol wishing to shovel piles of heaping horse dung onto a gullible audience, is the target show for Duckin’s Bunny/Checkers speech.

“The guy clearly has PTSD after three tours of active duty,” the advisor continued, “he’s just reluctant to come clean about his inner turmoil. This is just one more reason why he is such a big fan of the President. I mean they’ve both suffered tremendously and sought solace with a Bunny. In Trump’s case, it cost $150,000 to keep McDougal quiet and he didn’t even serve! Duncan should get a break here. He needs this bunny at his side 24/7. That, and an open bar tab.”

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  |  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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