Trump Signs Off On New 5-Star ‘Presidential Standard’ Prison ‘Trump Dungeons’
President Donald Trump has commissioned the building at the taxpayers’ expense of a luxury prison complex to be named ‘Trump Dungeons.’ The development is to be set in Palm Beach, Florida, and construction is to start immediately. Unique in terms of its design and facilities, the site will set the taxpayer back $3.8bn, a tad less than Trump signed off for his two posh new presidential jets due for delivery soon.
The prison complex will be built to almost palatial standards with unique features for a house of retribution. These include a luxury penthouse cell block with three separate wings, one for a single prisoner, one for the prisoner’s wife and family, should they choose to visit, and one for ‘entertaining’ visiting ex-adult film stars and playgirls.
The prison also boasts a helipad, an 18 hole golf course built to world-class competition standards, a health spa & pool complex, a gymnasium, and a sunbed in every room. The ‘exercise yard’ will consist of a king sized bed and three escorts.
The restroom has a particularly unique design in that the prisoner’s toilet discharges into a soundproof cell immediately underneath the prisoner’s penthouse bathroom, where there are two ‘thrones’ set in concrete directly below the discharge pipe. Each throne has leather strapping to secure the sitter’s arms and legs. The thrones are labelled, the ‘Manafort’ and the ‘Cohen.’ The floor of this cell then drains down into another cell of similar design where there are two further thrones labelled the ‘Comey’ and the ‘Mueller.’
When asked why he has commissioned this building at this point in his presidency and who will be incarcerated in it, the president answered, “I haven’t got a clue.”
There was general consensus amongst the gathered press that this was a fair assessment of the president’s performance to date.