Network Takes Up Stormy Daniels’ Celebrity Big Brother Offer
After Stormy Daniels screamed she would rather set herself on fire than enter the Celebrity Big Brother house, the network has responded by offering the infamous Trump sausage hider a contract to do just that. To everyone’s amazement and satisfaction, she has accepted. The offer is worth five Trump-bungs (the equivalent of $750,000 in used notes shoved in her hand up a back alley by a sleazy lawyer). The program has been scheduled for September 13 and will be aired live at 8pm GMT on UK TV.
The worldwide audience is expected to be in excess of 50 million viewers all keen to see the old boiler go up in flames. First Lady Melania Trump has been invited to ‘strike the opening match’ but has declined the offer, having a prior appointment with her divorce lawyer. Fire experts are not predicting pyrotechnics due to the leathery nature of Stormy Daniel’s well-worn hide.
“She’s more likely to smolder for a couple of hours like a well-sucked cigar butt, then fizzle out,” claimed one fire chief, “But it’ll still be worth watching President Trump’s ex ‘bolt hole’ sink to a new low.”
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