The Enemy Of My Enemy Is Omarosa
I don't like Omarosa. Never have. Never will. And I don't feel bad about that because she's a truly wretched person. But also, because I was never supposed to like her. She was cast as a reality show villain. She was always supposed to be the witch we love to hate. Omarosa once called her job “acting for unscripted television.” Although, I'm not sure how much of her reality TV career was “acting.” Her onscreen battles led to some off-screen lawsuits and ongoing feuds. She either takes the villain role way too seriously or she's a truly wretched person. In a particularly low, reality show blow, she told Piers Morgan his children hate him. That was really heartless. And hilarious. Because Piers Morgan is a truly wretched person.
Despite her reality show super villain status, it was one statement which forever sealed her wretchedness in my heart. "Every critic, every detractor, will have to bow down to President Trump. It's everyone who's ever doubted Donald, who ever disagreed, who ever challenged him. It is the ultimate revenge to become the most powerful man in the universe."
Please excuse me while I write an open letter to Omarosa.
The most powerful man in the universe? Even Don Jr., whose cult-like devotion to his father drove him to recklessly commit an act of treason, would roll his eyes at that.
Publicly kissing the butt of your boss to that degree will only make you look foolish when you are inevitably fired. Because the boss, whose backside you're so eager to kiss, hates black people and women.
My roommate heard she actually considered changing her name to Donarosa. She heard it from me. Because I made it up.
Of course, now that Omarosa has become Trump's critic, detractor and challenger, she no longer sees him as the most powerful man in the universe. Which brings us to Omarosa's tell-all book and why I swore I'd never buy it. This truly wretched person sold out her race and her gender for one hundred and seventy-nine thousand tax payer dollars a year. She wasn't getting my fifteen dollars, no matter how badly I wanted to read her book. Take that, Donarosa.
To no one's surprise, Trump has lashed out at Omarosa over the publishing of this book. He's even given her one of his trademark clever nicknames, “Wacky Omarosa.” To everyone's surprise, Omarosa is as smart as she is wretched. She had been secretly recording conversations with Trump and his loyal subjects all along. Although, that may say more about Trump's incompetence than it does about Omarosa's intelligence.
Nonetheless, upon hearing the first leaked recording, I said to myself, “I must locate my Kindle for that bitch just sold a book. I must support those who aim to sabotage my enemy.”
Trump has found himself so unnerved by Omarosa's revenge he's threatened to have her arrested. On what charges, no one knows. However, should he succeed I vow to take to the streets in protest. I will wear a “Free Omarosa” t-shirt. I will buy more copies of her book. I will learn how to set up a Go Fund Me page and then I will set up a Go Fund Me page for her bail money. I will go on a Twitter storm the likes of which Donald Trump has never seen. I will call him Donarosa. I will learn how to start a hashtag and then get #Donarosa trending. I will stop at nothing. Take that, Donarosa.
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