Governor Cuomo Burns American Flag: 'Am I Progressive Enough for You Now?'
Governor Andrew Cuomo caused a stir this past week by saying that "America was never that great." After not receiving the response he was hoping for, he decided to light the American flag on fire. As he held the burning flag in his hands, he asked a stunned crown, "Am I progressive enough for you now?"
When the crowd fell silent, the bewildered governor blamed his primary opponent Cynthia Nixon. "What, are you all Cynthia's double agents? Did she send you here?" he questioned. "You want liberal, I will give you liberal" the governor roared. He continued to dig himself further and further into political oblivion, pulling a miniature American flag out of his pants only to perform an odd magic trick with it.
He took the small flag, placed it in his mouth, chewed for a few seconds and then miraculously pulled out a relatively large Fidel Castro poster. "I bet Cynthia can't do that!" the unhinged Cuomo exclaimed. "He's lost his damn mind," one longtime supporter in the audience said, while noting that it was in fact "a cool magic trick."
When asked if this whole Cynthia Nixon thing had gotten to his head, the Governor insisted it had not. "I just don't understand. I've spent my entire life in public service...she's not even one of the pretty one's from Sex and the City." Right before the Governor walked off to his communist flag-painted limousine, he turned back and shouted, "If I was going to lose to someone, why couldn't it be Carrie?"
Photo by Pat Arnow || CC-BY-SA-2.0