Ted Cruz Will Let You Punch Him In The Face If You Donate 5 Dollars To His Campaign
Ted Cruz is not doing so well. His campaign for reelection in the Senate becomes harder each and every day, as challenger Beto O’Rourke continues to wow the People of Texas. Ted Cruz is slipping in the polls because he is Ted Cruz. Now Cruz faces claims he is mailing out donations requests disguised as legal summonses.
To combat this problem and turn this race around, Ted Cruz has come up with a creative new idea. An idea so bold he estimated it will bring in millions of dollars in donations. Ted Cruz will grant anyone who donates 5 dollars to his campaign the right to punch him in the face once.
Basically, one would pay 5 dollars in cash or Paypal (no checks). Then the donor would be allowed one punch between Cruz’s chin and hairline. An idea was floated earlier of allowing a person to slap Cruz just for a promise of a vote. That was quickly shot down as the line would stretch from Texas into Mexico.
This idea has received push back. “I hate Ted Cruz and I would love to punch him in the face. But I don’t want to give him money ‘cause that would then help him. I am in a bit of a dilemma,” a Woman who did not want to be identified but looked eerily similar to Mrs. Cruz told us.
Cruz is open to possibly increasing the pain he will take for more money. Ideas range from a kick in the crotch for 100 dollars, to giving Rafael Edward Cruz a “Wet Willy” for 200 dollars. We will see in the coming weeks how desperate Cruz becomes. As Texas may turn purple because someone likable beat Mr. Ted Cruz.
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America || CC-BY-SA-2.0