Pence Claims To Have Been Probed By Aliens About Trump-Russia Collusion
Vice President Mike Pence claims to have been probed by aliens for hours on end regarding Trump-Russia collusion, according to an anonymous source who also claims to have been abducted by extraterrestrial entities with the vice president. Pence was reportedly taking a midnight stroll on the White House lawn when a person with pink hair tackled him. Suddenly, an unidentified flying object in the sky lifted Pence and the angry feminist off the grass and into a space ship, according to the pink-haired female who would like to remain nameless.
For hours, Pence was probed by "little green men" regarding Russia's role in the 2016 US presidential election. The aliens reportedly had no clue whether Trump and Putin were pals or if most of the media just hated the American president and would try anything to get him out of office. The anonymous source claims to have chimed in, asking, "Why not both?"
"When the aliens said we were going to Uranus, Pence got all excited all of a sudden," said the anonymous source. "But really, they just took us out to some weird restaurant with the worst food. All they wanted to know was if we knew anything about Russian collusion into the 2016 Presidential Election."
After leaving the restaurant, the aliens brought Pence and the pink-haired source to a strip club. Both Pence and the source stormed out before their alien hosts could buy liquor. Pence was upset that the aliens led him to a place that went against his Christian values, while the anonymous source said she was "fuming and didn't want to take part in the objectification of the oppressed nine-legged women of Uranus."
The aliens reportedly learned nothing about Russian collusion as Pence would always go off-topic, talking about various moments he shared with his mother.
"You know, it's not that strange that my mother still dresses me in the morning," said Pence.
After 24 hours of non-stop interviewing, the aliens reportedly flew both earthly-passengers back to the White House lawn in desperate fashion. Both Pence and the pink-haired source reportedly arrived in Washington DC unharmed.
Pence claims to have enjoyed the probing by the aliens, according to a source close to the vice president. "You know, no one really gets to sit down and talk nowadays," Pence reportedly said shortly after he was abducted. "It didn't really bother me that it was always Russia this or Putin that or Trump this. That no longer bothers me. I've moved on from that. What I really liked about my time in space was that I found out there's other beings in the universe who are able to sit down and talk. They didn't even look down at their phones once."
Days after Pence's alleged alien abduction, a crashed space ship was reportedly found in Pennsylvania. According to an anonymous source close to the president, "Trump plans on using this advanced technology for his upcoming Space Force, but has no idea what to do with all the adult toys found onboard."
Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America || CC-BY-SA-2.0