McConnell Intimate Says 'Mitchie Just Shell Of Former Self'
Never one to inspire a “warm, fuzzy,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has built a career on being a %*#! Now friends, or rather, a friend, has expressed concern that the Senator from “Keen-tuck’s” crusty exterior has taken a severe thrashing after being chased from a Louisville eatery by a gang of rowdy Democrats.
The friend, who declined to give his (her) name to Flake News – let’s just say that he (her) was ‘buxom” -- fought back tears while recounting the July incident. “Mitchie was just about to tuck into his favorite meal: Chicken-fried steak, cheese grits, a side of hush puppies and some new-fangled drink called an “Egg Cream” that the Jewish folks like, when those crazy left-wingers started in on him.”
Crying openly now, the friend swiped at a streak of runny mascara under his (her) eye and continued, “I was just on my way back from the ladies room to – uh – take my seat at the counter when Mitchie came under attack by those horrible people. They called him dirty names! They even used the ‘F word!’ And then they called him, let me see now…a FASCIST! Can you imagine? As if Mitchie was anything like that Mooselini man!”
Overcome by empathy for the thin-lipped, flinty-eyed, excessively jowly McConnell, the friend refused to answer any more of our questions. That said, a disgruntled member of the restaurant’s wait staff, who referred to the Senator as a “cheap mofo,” offered up the following:
“Those folks were real angry. They chased that old fart through the parking lot. And boy, did he skedaddle! He still had his napkin tucked under his chin and I think he was holding a hush puppy but I couldn’t swear to that. All I know is, I was hoping like hell he’d fall and break his stupid neck.”
No such luck.
Scuplted in Plastina clay, molded and cast in latex. Makeup hand painted using #mehron products. Turtle shell, hand-painted.
Shar & Sher Alike
Art by Sharon Lee Rosenbaum. Copy by Sherry McGuinn.