Preparing For Exit, Kellyanne Conway Readies 'Alternative Resume'
One of the President Donald Trump's favorite liars, Kellyanne Conway is reportedly preparing to leave the White House within the next few months. Lately, she's been feeling unappreciated. "Since the president started watching Sean Hannity, he never appreciates my lies anymore. Sean's his favorite liar now and it's really upsetting" a tearful Kellyanne explained. "It's like all the lies we shared never even mattered," Kellyanne said, while smiling like an evil villain who's not doing a good enough job hiding the fact that she's a villain.
With reputations tarnished by their incredibly unpopular boss, most of the president's ex-employees have been struggling to find work. Steve Bannon's living in the custodial closet at an elementary school in Alabama along with his buddy Roy Moore. Hope Hicks' application to appear in the upcoming season of The Bachelor was recently rejected so she's still living in her wing of the family mansion in Connecticut. Reince Priebus is doing the best of the bunch, having just won Employee of the Month at Applebee's.
In order to avoid a similar situation, Conway is planning on penning an "alternative resume." Her alternative resume will showcase jobs that don't exist and she has not held instead of revealing the Trump-related roles she actually has filled. "I'm very proud of the time I spent working in the Obama administration. We did a lot of good back then," Kellyanne matter-of-alternative-factly stated, showcasing her ability to speak lies without even a trace of hesitation.
When asked for a comment, the president was able to reply before the communications department could sufficiently gag him. "I'm glad she's leaving," he said, "we needed a dog walker for Omarosa and that's just about the only thing she's qualified for."
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