Donald Trump Signs Bill For New US Currency, TrumpBucks
President Donald Trump met Congress and the head of the Federal Reserve Bank of the United States this Monday to sign a bill mandating the new currency of the United States: TrumpBucks.
Economic expert Miles MacIntosh reports that nobody is sure how this will affect the U.S. economy, or how it will play a factor to the debt we owe to other countries.
“TrumpBucks will be forged into existence out of thin air,” MacIntosh adds, “Its value is really up for grabs based upon who buys into it.”
Apparently, everyone in America will be buying into it, considering any other form of currency will be barred from the economy, including rainchecks and excluding sexual favors.
The minimum wage will be set at 1.5 TrumpBucks per hour. Will this be good or bad? Nobody really knows. Based on how Trump feels about hourly employees, this is predicted to be of lower value than the original minimum wage requirement.
The birth of TrumpBucks will conveniently eliminate the need for paper currency, as TrumpBucks will only be available after purchasing the TrumpBucks app in the App Store for 49.99 TB.
In the TrumpBucks app, you must provide US documentation to prove you are a legal citizen. No person’s transactions will be able to go through until the proper paperwork is provided.
Aside from working regular jobs, TrumpBuck users will be able to make 0.25 TB for every encouraging response to Donald Trump’s personal tweets.
When you give a crazed, crying lowlife a break, and give her a job at the White House, I guess it just didn’t work out. Good work by General Kelly for quickly firing that dog!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 14, 2018
Trump insists that this will show American citizens how rewarding it could be to show positivity to our beloved leaders.
TrumpBucks will not be able to transfer to other nations’ currencies, as Trump sees this as an opportunity for the US military to spread Trumpocracy around the world.
“Pesos, euros, buy me a freakin’ churros,” Trump stated. “TrumpBucks will be the hottest new commodity to sweep the globe since fidget spinners.”
The new US currency will go into effect the end of September. God bless you all.