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Trump Spells Out Plan To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

Trump Spells Out Plan To Replace English Alphabet With American Version

President Donald Trump is expected to sign an executive order to replace the currently used English language alphabet and grammar with an American version to reduce the United States dependence on foreign sources. That’s according to an administration official, speaking off the record, who attended a meeting with Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos and other advisors where the president proposed his ideas. 

An audiotape is said to exist confirming the president’s remarks in which he is heard to say, “America can no longer let foreigners control how we talk to each other. Having to depend on the English, or the Great Britains or whatever they want to call themselves today, to be our only source of language is a threat to our national security.” 

The president is first expected to deregulate some of the rules of grammar to make it easier for many of his supporters to read and write. His plans include removing the mandate to always follow the letter ‘q’ with the letter ‘u’. In addition the use of ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ will no longer be enforced.

 

 

Other changes include waivers for reasonably misspelled words over six letters, no restrictions on capitalization and permitting run on sentences if something is really, really, really exciting or important.

Cursive will no longer be required except those letters a student needs to sign their name. To assure accuracy the federal government will ask all school administrators to obtain birth certificates for their pupils, as well as their parents, to confirm the spelling of their names with a national database.

The president is also quoted as saying that he believes once the guidelines go into effect the Government Printing Office will save “millions and millions of dollars by getting rid of regulations that placed an unnecessary burden on having to use good words and stuff.” 

Said the official, “The president expects these changes to be as welcomed as the suspension of mathematical principles were when members of his administration used them to justify the the tax cuts.”

When asked if any of this would be feasible, the official wrote back, “That’s a great qestion. And the answer is that I’m pretty sure you didn’t even notice I left out the ‘u’ when I wrote ‘qestion.’ Am I right or am i rite?”

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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