UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Scooter Business Booms After NYC Uber Regulations And MTA Shutdowns

Scooter Business Booms After NYC Uber Regulations And MTA Shutdowns

On August 8th, the five boroughs of New York saw a tremendous boom in regional sales of scooters after it's city council passed a legislative package putting regulations on for-hire car services, such as Uber and Lyft. In an effort to alleviate the street congestion, council members passed a legislative package capping the amount of licenses given to for-hire car services and establishing a minimum pay standard for drivers. As these caps may limit the amount of car services available to commuters, the MTA has seen tremendous delays and shutdowns causing commuters to be late to work or to find alternate means of transportation. While community members have been livid about these new regulations and constant delays, the city has taken to scooters as their last resort of commuting throughout the boroughs. 

As desperation to get to work on time continues, the stores particularly finding an increase in sales have been in Brooklyn. These vintage scooter stores in the city's most populous borough are thankful for the rising car service prices and interrupted subway services. Chris, the owner of Brooklyny's most famous vintage scooter store “Scooties Scooters,” has been extremely surprised by the rise in sales. Chris told us, “Yeah bruh we were going out of business before city council passed this piece of legislation. Suddenly, not only are the hipsters coming to our shop for scooters, but even Wall Street bros who are just trying to get to their internships at Morgan Stanley on time while still having the option to pick up their cold brews. Honestly, I’m just shocked bruh. I thought the early 2000s were the only era for scooters, but thank God for politicians who don’t listen to their constituency.”

 

 

Not only are scooter store businesses booming, but scooter rights advocates are finally finding their place at the table. Scooter lobbyist Shana DeMarco, has been ecstatic about scooters finally finding a place in NYC’s transportation hub. Shana told Flake News, “I’m excited about how the recent regulations and suspended subway services have supported the scooter community. We’re hoping to bring scooter rights to the citizens of NYC. Scooters deserve to have their own lane; they shouldn’t be lumped in with bikes! We’re a completely different breed. In an ideal world, this regulation will help support the scooter community so much that the streets of New York will be flooded with scooters riding in their own scooter lanes while cars become practically extinct.”

There’s no way to know how these regulations and constant MTA delays will affect the congestion in New York City. However, after the recent attempts to eliminate congestion, New York is seeing more Razor scooters than they ever saw in the early 2000s. We bet Toys 'R' Us wishes they stayed in business now.

To support scooter riders and their rights within New York City, text 55-55 with the text “SCOOTERZ4LIFE” to send a petition to your local council member.

 

 
Trump’s Mad ‘Space Patrol’ Ramblings Sparks Defense Scramble

Trump’s Mad ‘Space Patrol’ Ramblings Sparks Defense Scramble

President Trump Calls Omarosa 'Thicc AF' In Leaked Tape

President Trump Calls Omarosa 'Thicc AF' In Leaked Tape