We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.


The Pizza Hut Amendment

The Pizza Hut Amendment

Everyone with a pulse and Ben Carson announced they were running for president in 2016. Under the Constitution, even lack of a pulse doesn't disqualify a person from becoming a presidential candidate. Pizza Hut has more requirements for delivery drivers than the Constitution has for president.

Number of Requirements for Presidential Candidates – 3
Number of Requirements for Pizza Hut Drivers - 6

Though Pizza Hut delivery people have more of an impact on my daily life than the president, I can't help think it should be harder to run for president than it is to deliver pizza. 

The current requirements to run for president:

Must be 35 years of age or older
Must be a natural born citizen
Must be a resident for 14 years

These are truly crappy requirements. Over 247 million people are eligible to run for president. Let's get that number down. And let's do it before 2020. We don't even require a high school diploma to be president. No wonder it was so easy for all those Fox News viewers to be tricked by Russians on Facebook. We'll need an amendment to the Constitution, which I am proposing and will be known as The Pizza Hut Amendment.


The Pizza Hut Presidential Requirements Amendment

Must have a high school diploma or GED.

Must maintain a courteous and professional attitude at all times.

Must have a clean driving record.
(Borrowed that from Pizza Hut.)

Must have two years related experience in public office even if it is mayor Allgood, Alabama. (Actual Town. Population: 622)

Both the candidate and the candidate's spouse must be natural born citizens.
(I'm leaving this in because I fear a President Schwarzenegger. I added the spouse because First Lady Melania.)



Must have strong problem solving capabilities, be a self-starter and a team player. As a potential president you will be called upon to solve many problems.

During the hiring process you'll be asked how you may solve a hypothetical problem. We require a detailed and specific response. We will not accept answers such as, "If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it."

(Donald Trump is to the Presidency as Vanilla Ice is to rapping.)

Must have strong verbal and written communication skills. [Proficiency with MS Office a plus.] The American people need a clear message from the President. Please refrain from language that may be confusing or misleading.

For example: Suppose a presidential candidate were to say that Mexicans are rapists and follow that by saying, "Some, I assume, are good people." Is he saying some Mexicans are good people or some rapists are good people? It's important for an informed electorate to know how a candidate feels toward rapists.



Photo by Miguel Discart  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

Gentrifying Hipsters Mad That Target Is Gentrifying CBGB

Gentrifying Hipsters Mad That Target Is Gentrifying CBGB

Trump Points To Manipulation Of Currency To Undermine US Dollar

Trump Points To Manipulation Of Currency To Undermine US Dollar