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Green Party Claims Victory After Helping Another Republican Get Elected

Green Party Claims Victory After Helping Another Republican Get Elected

It was a big night for Joe Manchik and his Green Party goons in Ohio's 12th congressional election last night. The mainstream media has covered it as a clash between the Donald Trump-endorsed Troy Balderson (also known as the permanently sweaty utility man) and Democratic insurgent Danny O'Connor (also known as the friendly man in front of you at Dunkin' Donuts). O'Connor posed a serious threat to the Republican establishment in what is traditionally a comfortably Republican district. It seems as though his campaign has fallen just short though, as he trails by about 1,500 votes. 

Joe Manchik, the visionary green party candidate whose campaign website is on Wordpress (as most visionaries' websites are), had third place all to himself, finishing with a little over 1,000 votes. We were finally able to reach him for comment after knocking twelve times on the outside of his preferred dumpster. Once reminded that it was in fact election night and told of the results, he went on the offensive.

 

 

"Tonight is not about me" he remarked, with a quite a bit of stuttering, "tonight is not about one hundred of my supporters or even five hundred of my supporters. Tonight is about all one thousand of them, and thank God I didn't get more because I can't count any higher than that." When CNN's Jim Acosta pointed out that if his supporters turned out in favor of O'Connor, the election could've swung the other way (his tally added to O'Connor's brings the race well within the margin of error), Manchik was defensive, pointing out "O'Connor's total added to mine brings me within the margin of error." 

Green Party activists everywhere hailed this as "a massive victory for the party." They praised Manchik for continuing their time-honored tradition of helping Republicans get elected by taking votes that would otherwise go Democratic. "Not only did we help elect President Donald Trump, we also more than made the difference for Bush, keeping Al Gore out of office." They promised to not relent until Donald Trump is safely re-elected and they throw at least a few senate seats. "It's days like this, days where we help elect a candidate who stands in direct opposition to everything we believe, instead of helping a candidate who maybe disagrees with me on some small policy oriented nuances, that gives me the power to keep going." 

You can visit Joe Manchik's actual website by following link below...we should all be really proud of the seven year old activist who designed it:
manchikforcongress.wordpress.com

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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