President Donald Trump issued a press release today indicating which news organizations are considered reputable. Trump stated, “Fake news sites are everywhere. The average American just isn’t getting the right facts. We need to distinguish between companies that publish the Trump truth and those that push the snowflake agenda. I will not have Trump’s America ruined by biased reporting.”
We agree completely. Here at Flake News, we believe in unbiased reporting. Nothing is more important than giving Americans all the facts. Therefore, it hurt us deeply when President Trump lumped us into the same categories as apparent fake news sites.
“The New York Times, MSNBC, Flake News, CNN, and TIME Magazine must all be held accountable for their lies. They do not fairly represent the Trump Administration’s attempt to violate your rights. I mean, I don’t hate the gays very much. I am cool with the blacks too… mostly. And women… I love women. They can’t stop talking about me,” Trump went on in the press release.
Flake News has very high reporting standards, obviously. Why else would the Flake hire someone like me to do their news reporting? We were not entirely happy about Trump labeling us as a fake news site, so we sent President Trump a sad face emoji and asked him what we could do to fix our biased reporting practices.
He replied, “Just report what I tell you is important and I will consider you just as reputable as Fox News.”
In other news, Hilary Clinton was recently found to be possessed by Satan himself and it was discovered that President Donald Trump is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. And that's Flake News.