UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Trump Announces He Will Use His Allowance From Putin For The Wall

Trump Announces He Will Use His Allowance From Putin For The Wall

Upon his return from a summit in Helsinki with Russian President Vladimir Putin, President Donald Trump took to the White House Rose Garden to announce his plans for a wall on the southern border of the United States to prevent illegal immigration. President Trump was surrounded by his gardeners during the press conference, describing their immigration into the country to “fix the mess Obama left in the White House Garden.”

The gardeners, wearing “Build the Wall” shirts, stood by President Trump as he announced the funding source for the protective wall to be placed between the United States and Mexico. President Trump detailed his plan. “We will be making America Great Again by creating a wall between the US and Mexico, which will be funded by my allowance from Daddy-- I mean President Vladimir Putin.” 

During the press conference, President Trump described the successes of his trip to Helsinki and how it helped contribute to the funding for the wall. According to President Trump, “Putin is a very good man. He is very strong. It’s fake news that Putin is trying to get involved in our politics to control us. When I asked him about interfering in our election cycle, Putin immediately responded by raising my allowance so we could finally build the wall. What a great man! He really wants to Make America Great Again.”

 

 

President Trump also stated, “Congress and the Senate haven’t being doing their jobs. They couldn’t find me an allowance to make this wall. Every time I mention the wall in meetings, they tell me to keep coloring the book they gave me. So, during the great summit, I was happy when Daddy raised my allowance.” 

Several press outlets were completely blown away by the president’s remarks, including Fox News. A correspondent from Fox asked, “President Trump, how can you continue to collude with Putin? How can you admittedly take money from a man who continues to interfere in our government?” President Trump immediately responded by asking her to leave the press conference and accusing him of being a “snowflake who doesn’t understand a small loan when he sees one.” 

Sources are still not sure how an allowance given to the president will affect the United States’ relationship with Russia. Will we be forced to ignore obvious signs of interference in election cycles? Will the president admit to colluding with Putin prior to his electoral victory? Will his allowance cover any other governmental expenses, like the deficit? Will the fall follow-up summit between Putin and Trump continue the border wall funding discussions? White House representatives declined to answer our remaining questions.

 

 

Photo by Kremlin.ru  ||  CC-BY-4.0-International

Loose-Brain Giuliani’s Barking Mad Interview On Cohen ‘Cheers Us Up’

Loose-Brain Giuliani’s Barking Mad Interview On Cohen ‘Cheers Us Up’

23andMe Shares Alex Jones’s DNA Hoping To Produce New Anti-Diarrheal Drug

23andMe Shares Alex Jones’s DNA Hoping To Produce New Anti-Diarrheal Drug