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Pence Mamma Mia Sequel Ban 'To Make America Straight Again'

Pence Mamma Mia Sequel Ban 'To Make America Straight Again'

In an attempt to “Make America Straight Again,” Vice President Mike Pence has announced a new initiative to ban movies encouraging “gay culture” from US theaters. During a press conference announcing the move, Pence said he “did not want our children to get..you know...the wrong idea.” The vice president believes, “the gays already have Elton John and Ellen, our children should not have to watch anymore sinners in theatres.” 

To start his campaign, Pence has been targeting the newly-released hit movie Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. Confused by the title, the vice president claimed, “I initially went to see Mamma Mia because I thought it was about the origins of making pizza. Not because I like ABBA, I swear I don’t like ABBA or any homosexual music.” Throughout the movie, Pence found he may have been misled by the title. “I kept hearing audience members yelling ‘YAS henny’ and I thought to myself, is Yas Henny the name of the main character? It was not until I heard a song by the godless band ‘ABBA’ when I knew I was in a movie that encouraged homosexuality. This music was played in homosexual clubs during the 1970s and I’ll be damned if it’s in our theaters infecting the minds of children.” When asked how Pence knew ABBA was popular in gay clubs during the 70s, he began to perspire and stumbled to say “next question.”

 

 

In response to this campaign, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) claimed they will not agree to any ban. While the attempt was a fail, Pence has been formulating additional policy to help discourage viewers from watching movies that may encourage this “gay lifestyle.” He reached out to the MPAA to add ratings describing the levels of gay culture within each movie. According to sources, Pence wanted a ratings system ranked from “H- Hella Heterosexual” to “G- Gayer Than Gay.” 

While the MPAA has rebuffed his advances, Pence is still striving to keep “gay culture” out of the “minds of our children.” He hopes to soon begin targeting Netflix for their “gay influence in the household. The vice president believes "Shows like Queer Eye should not be readily available within one click. What happened to shows like the 700 Club being one Jesus-loving-click-away from our kids? It’s bad enough a lesbian is a popular talk show host on television.” The VP is confident these initiatives help “Make America Straight Again.” 

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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