White House Releases List Of Acceptable Questions
Citing the recent banning of CNN reporter Kaitlan Collins, the White House has released a list of appropriate questions for all briefings and public encounters.
1. Why do we insist on discrediting the president with our constant barrage of recordings that contradict his own statements?
2. Why do we feel that citizens are entitled to trust their own eyes and ears over the words of the president?
3. Why is a well-done steak better than any other cook temperature?
4. Who is George Orwell and why does he love fake news?
5. Why is no one impressed that Melania can watch whichever TV channel she wants?
6. Why do all adult film stars want to sleep with Donald Trump?
7. How much money did Crooked Hillary pay Michael Cohen to create a fake recording of Trump “confessing” to wanting to pay an alleged mistress in “cash?”
· Acceptable follow up: was this payment made in Uranium pizza
8. Kaitlan Collins should be honored to even be recognized (this isn’t a question, but it is a required statement)
9. Why do we insist on asking for specifics regarding policy changes?
10. Who are these “poors” and why do they think they deserve handouts?
11. In what ways can we properly celebrate the president for giving farmers a $12 billion dollar bailout?
12. How much of an enemy is the EU and how jealous are they of our guns?
13. Can we see the Electoral College map again?
14. Why are books lame?
· Acceptable follow up: Where can we buy a copy of Judge Jeanine Pirro’s new book: Liars, Leakers, and Liberals
15. Obama ruined the country, how much better is Trump with the blacks?
16. How can we properly protect ourselves from the shrill liberal screams when we impeach Rod Rosenstein?
17. Impeaching Rosenstein isn’t an obstruction of justice. How can we convince fake news (us) that we should just shut up about it?
18. Which stores banned Ivanka from selling her line? Please list names, addresses, family names, and secret fears.
19. Why is it any of our business what happens on calls between the president and other foreign leaders?
20. Can we all just agree that 3D printed guns are implied in the 2nd Amendment?
· Acceptable follow up: can we keep the guns under our seats or do they need to be returned?
The White House would like to remind reporters to refrain from asking questions about Vladimir Putin as they have found no clear way to leak the information. Thank you.