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Bigfoot Replacing All Other Animals On EPA Endangered Species List

Bigfoot Replacing All Other Animals On EPA Endangered Species List

This morning the White House announced it’s adding Bigfoot to the endangered species list and removing all other animals.

Everything from bald eagles to gray wolves to and manatees will no longer have protection.

Because Scott Pruitt recently resigned from the Environmental Protection Agency, we interviewed a man wearing a brown bag over his head, who goes by the name of Mr. Brown Bag, in the ornately decorated former office of Mr. Pruitt.

Q. “Mr. Brown Bag, why did you remove the bald eagle from the Endangered Species List?”
    
A. “Because this is America.”
    
Q. “Mr. Brown Bag, you’re not answering the question. Why did you remove it?”

A. “The most American thing about this country is getting together for Thanksgiving and eating turkey, right?”

Q. “How does this have anything to do with the question?”

A. “Why can’t people eat bald eagles for Thanksgiving dinner? That’s even more American than America.”

 

 

Q. “So, you’re not only taking these animals off the list, you’re allowing people to hunt them?”

A. “First of all, this is a free country.  And, there’s nothing in the Second Amendment that says you can’t shoot a bald eagle.”

Q. “Are you going to allow people to hunt manatees, humpback whales, and gray wolves?”

A. “Absolutely. We’re also passing a law that allows people to hunt animals in zoos.”

Q. “What kind of people would want to shoot animals in cages?”

A. “Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. They’ve been shooting endangered animals in cages their entire lives.”

Q. “So, you’re saying that little Billy can now go to the zoo and shoot a polar bear?”

A. “Sure.”

Q. “Why would you pass this type of legislation?”

A. “Shooting animals in zoos would save the government a lot of money. You know how much it costs to feed all of those freeloaders?”

Q. “You’re calling animals freeloaders?”

A. “Yes, I am. Plus, removing animals from the endangered species list will free up our money to provide conservation for our country’s rarest animal.”

 

 

Q. “What animal?”

A. “Bigfoot.”

Q. “You’re going to try to save an animal that doesn’t exist?”

A. “Since our president was inaugurated, there have been three Bigfoot sightings. Plus, people come from all over the world and pay good money to find Bigfoot. I don’t believe that anyone is paying money to see alligators or humpback whales.”

Q. “Are there any other animals that Donald Trump wants to add to the endangered species list?”

 A. “Ghosts.”

 
Blue Wave: The Awakening

Blue Wave: The Awakening

Trump Signs Off On $3.9 Billion For His Two New Posh Planes At Taxpayer’s Expense

Trump Signs Off On $3.9 Billion For His Two New Posh Planes At Taxpayer’s Expense