Report: Trump Gains Ability To Alter Past With 4,000th Lie
President Donald Trump has made an amazing discovery following an urgent speech at the White House. It was previously believed the budget cuts on the F-35 stealth fighter were planned before President Trump took office. Now it appears he has found a way to alter the past using an interesting strategy, lying.
“Apparently one can alter the past by lying about it enough in the present,” said famed physicist Harold Botwin, “This is an unprecedented discovery. It allows humans to permanently change the mistakes of the past. Lie about something 4,000 times and it alters the past.”
Thousands of concerned conservatives gathered from around the country and created a wall along the Mexican border. And voila, according to our sources, countless Mexican Americans have disappeared and reappeared on the Mexican side of the border. Production at fruit plantations is halted across the nation as the workforce has disappeared. Thousands of farms are going out of business as they are no longer able to sustain production. Farmers are pleading with the American people to “bring back the Mexicans.”
To satisfy his followers, President Donald Trump worked to change the outcome of the Civil War. An outcome that would reverse all African American contributions to society. This choice was unpopular to say the least, but he succeeded last week. The results have been devastating.
Rap and Rock & Roll were never invented. Now the nation can only listen to progressive country music. Thousands of planes have crashed because the multiplex telegraph never came into existence. The light bulb has disappeared and as a result candle light is now the dominant form of power in the world. Blood banks were never conceptualized and all the lives saved by blood donations have been lost. The effects of President Trump’s decision are far-reaching, and we will likely never fully understand how much the present has been changed.
In response, millions of ‘snowflakes’ gathered outside the White House to protest the recent turn of events. They began chanting, “Donald Trump is not our President!” in unison at 8pm last night. Unfortunately, conservatives beat them to the punch and the entire group turned to snow and melted before they could finish their mantra.
With the world thrown into chaos, Supreme Emperor Donald Trump and his cabinet have taken it upon themselves to solve the problem. They have now ‘wished back’ many of the creature comforts we did not have last week, but unfortunately Donald Trump owns the entire world. Mexico was the only exception, because according to Trump, “Mexico is full of criminals.”