Trump Develops New Dating App For Lonely DC Conservatives
The dating scene is hard for DC Trump administration staffers. According to our sources, these young, innocent conservatives are facing horrid and unfair prejudices from liberal ‘snowflakes,’ simply because they voted for President Donald Trump. “It’s terrible,” said a young Republican who wished to remain anonymous, “I don’t have any prejudices when it comes to liberals, just because their beliefs are stupid. I take what I can get.”
Still others say they must lie about their political beliefs just to get a date. “I told one snowflake that I was Al Gore. Luckily, she believed me, but I had to start a fake Facebook and Twitter to continue the ruse. Now I am scheduled to do a speech on green energy later this afternoon. I don’t know anything about green energy! I voted for Trump!”
Many Washington conservatives feel the need to lie about their politics and this typically ends badly. One young woman told us the male snowflake she was dating found out she was a Trump supporter. “He had such a bad case of Trump Derangement Syndrome, when he found out that I was conservative, he politely paid for my meal and left. How rude is that?”
Such rude behavior is typical of liberals but President Donald Trump, once again, believes he has the answer. In a move to satisfy his unhappy followers, Trump created a dating app called WhiteConservativesDate.com. “It’s a dating app created for white conservatives, by white conservatives. If you are a black or Mexican conservative, you can use one of my other dating apps, BlackConservativesDate.com or MexicansGoBackToMexico.com.”
If you are a conservative looking for love, President Trump has you covered. But we here at Flake News wanted to know what would happen if a liberal tried the application. When you start up the app, you answer some questions. They were developed by America’s top psychologists to weed out snowflakes. If the app finds that you are not a conservative, it bans you permanently.
WhiteConservativesDate.com, an app for the people by the people, is only $9.99 per month. DC staffers get a two-dollar discount in the first month. Now Beltway conservatives no longer need to hide their political beliefs. Thanks President Donald Trump!