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Mike Pence Develops New Political ‘Conversion Therapy’ For Liberal Snowflakes

Mike Pence Develops New Political ‘Conversion Therapy’ For Liberal Snowflakes

President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence have decided to go forward with a brand-new treatment for those who suffer from acute ‘liberalism.’ The new therapy was dubbed fondly, “Pray the Snowflake Away LLC” by our conservative movement. Pence will lead the treatment efforts himself, having gone on record to say, “I don’t have anything better to do anyway.”

When asked if this conversion therapy was completely necessary, since America does have some semblance of being a Democratic nation, the Vice President scoffed and then replied, “Liberalism is destroying this great nation. We cannot risk having a snowflake for a president ever again. Our country would fall. This means that we need to make some major changes in the minds of our poor, misguided citizens.”

To secure President Trump’s second term, Pray the Snowflake Away will begin with the most liberal states. “First, we will round up all the afflicted snowflakes in Washington, D.C. and take them to camps run by conservative minded individuals. There they will undergo extensive treatment for their sickness. From there we will move on to the rest of the country, one state at a time.”

 

 

The Flake News wondered what the treatment entailed, so we secured an interview with the first Pray the Snowflake Away LLC graduate, Hilary Clinton. She is now operating under the conservative platform and supports President Donald Trump, completely. We asked her what the treatment involved. 

Her eyes had a glaze over them, no sparkle, no passion, and she spoke in a monotoned voice as she replied, “First they take you to a room, strap you to a chair, and attach electrodes to your head. They turn on liberal news sources and they shock you. They scream at you all the time. You learn to associate liberalism with pain and suffering. It wasn’t so bad. I had a sickness that needed to be treated.”

 

 

Mrs. Clinton was in the first stages of the treatment for six months before she graduated to the next stage, “I enjoyed the last part of the treatment. They took me to a chair but this time I was not strapped down. Fox News is played constantly on televisions all around the room. Even if you wanted to, there is no escape. Those who resist by closing their eyes are strapped down and their eyelids are held open by this machine. If you accept it without resisting, they reward you with President Donald Trump bobbleheads, back massages, and ‘Make America Great Again’ hats. It was all very fun and laid back.”

Clinton is now a major supporter of the treatment and she plans on getting President Trump’s face tattooed on her butt. She plans on divorcing her “liberal scumbag” husband to find conservative man to “take care of her.”

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  ||  CC-BY-SA-2.0

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