Congressman Joe Crowley Signs Record Deal After Congressional Defeat
Following his defeat to opponent Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in a major congressional upset, Representative Joe Crowley has announced a new career path as he has signed a record deal with Warner Music Group.
Representative Crowley gained the attention of many record labels after his concession speech where he sang “Born To Run” by Bruce Springsteen, which was dedicated to his opponent’s victory. After listening to his cover, Sony Music Group commented that “he’s like a lamer, less attractive version of Bruce. This is exactly what the indie scene would eat up!” Warner Music Group also commented, “well, we guess nothing can be worse than his policy career.”
After being defeated and signing with Warner Music Group, Representative Crowley decided to move from his hometown of Queens into the more hipster, artsy scene of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. When asked what prompted his move, Crowley felt that “Williamsburg is really where my heart is now. Music, matcha, and cats are my new passion. My heart is within those hipster vinyl record stores and dog cafes now that it has left the Capitol.” Despite concerns he would have a cultural shock in his new neighborhood, Crowley said, “I have a new pair of Warby Parker glasses, Birkenstocks I ordered online, and recently visited Urban Outfitters for my new wardrobe in order to prepare for my next life.”
On his first album, Crowley will be using his experience within politics and elections to influence his songwriting process. Sources have said his first two singles to be dropped will be entitled “Trump Grabbed My Wife By The...” and “I Actually Voted for Jill Stein.” While Crowley will be using this opportunity for a solo career, he does have several features on his new album including a poem written and read by Bernie Sanders on the importance of universal healthcare featured on Crowley’s song, “American Health Care Act: You’re All Going To Die Eventually Anyway.”
Representative Crowley’s album, “Failed Democratic Establishment Candidate” will be released on January 3, 2019, which is evidently the day Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will assume office if she wins the general election against the Republican candidate. If you want to listen to music made by a guy who looks like your grandpa but sounds like Bruce Springsteen, pick up “Failed Democratic Establishment Candidate” from your local coffee shop or stream it from the Spotify account you stole.
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