Trump Urges Male Staffers To Consider Castration Before Midterms
President Donald Trump announced early Thursday morning that men working in the White House should have their testicles voluntarily removed before the midterm elections.
In a cryptic, early morning tweet, Trump boasted about the quality of his testicles while suggesting others would need to have theirs removed if Republicans hope to sustain majorities in Congress.
“I have the best balls. I have the strongest. The American people are intimidated by that. The Dems are TERRIFIED of my balls,” Trump wrote. “We have to win the midterms. RED WAVE. Too many testicles. Cut some out! There was no collusion.”
A senior White House official unauthorized to discuss the matter with the media told the Associated Press that “the President believes his male aides and cabinet members should, voluntarily consider castration” to help GOP members of Congress win in November.
“The president thinks having a ‘big set of balls’ is a literal term. He (Trump) believes he’s so tough that his are massive…gigantic,” said the official. “He thinks the other men in the White House are also tough and have very, very large testicles.”
“There’s simply too much toughness, too many balls for voters to wrap their heads around,” added the official.
On Monday morning, Fox News host Judge Jeanine Pirro, fresh off an on-set, expletive-laced spat with The View’s Whoopi Goldberg, told a stunned Fox & Friends panel, “President Trump is absolutely correct.”
Pirro continued, “The American people are weak! They are intimated by his virility and his raw power and we need to get some of those unnecessary gonads out of the oval office for the sake of the republic,” Pirro said. “Cut them out today and we win in November!”
Trump walked back his controversial comment on Thursday evening, suggesting male White House staffers consider a less invasive solution.
Trump tweeted, “Maybe one ball. Sacrifice a ball for your party. We’ll see. They do it with lasers and the computers now. Tiny robots in the scrotum do it. Not a BIG deal. Every knows that. There was no collusion!”