Trump Derangement Syndrome Continues To Spread And We Don’t Know Why
Cases of Trump Derangement Syndrome, or TDS, are on the rise and nobody seems to know why. Some say that it might have something to do with President Donald Trump, but experts at the Centers for Disease Control assure us the hypothesis is unlikely. “TDS has nothing to do with Trump,” said the CDC director Robert Redfield during an interview with Flake News. When asked what the likely culprit is for this new disease, Redfield replied, “It probably stems from the influx of illegal immigrants over recent years, but who knows.”
Whatever the true cause of TDS, one thing can be said with certainty, it is terrifying. First, it affects the mind of the poor 'snowflake' in question. “It causes a sort of white-hot rage that is targeted toward our poor president,” Redfield said when asked about the first stage of the disease. “I don’t know why the focus is always on President Trump. It is just one of the many mysteries of science that will likely never be solved.”
After the first stage of the disease has taken full effect on the victim, vivid hallucinations begin. These delusions begin to convince the victim that our fair, great president is anything but great and fair.
According to sources, groups of protesters have been spotted all over the nation. “These protesters have the disease,” President Trump said in his State of the Union Address. “The ones without TDS are paid. I mean, why else would they protest?”
The final stage of the disease is also the scariest. At this point, TDS has taken full control of the victim. They no longer think for themselves and tend to become offended easily. A person with full blown TDS will only read fake news sites like The New York Times and turn their noses up at more unbiased sources, including Fox News.
It is a sad progression to watch, but what can be done about this very real problem in America? Are we all helplessly doomed to become liberal snowflakes? Our great and powerful leader, President Donald Trump believes he has the answer. “If my behind hurts after a night of lengthy debates, Vaseline works well to ease the pain.”
President Trump also wanted us to know that because he is rich, he bought up all available Unilever stock, the parent company of Vaseline.