UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Lonzo Ball To Lebron James: Here's A Stroller So You Won't Have To Carry Me

Lonzo Ball To Lebron James: Here's A Stroller So You Won't Have To Carry Me

It was just a few weeks ago that basketball superstar LeBron James shocked the basketball universe by announcing his plans to sign with the Los Angeles Lakers following a drama-filled season with his hometown Cleveland Cavaliers. New teammate Lonzo Ball, the Lakers young Jason Kidd wannabe, is trying to start things off on the right foot with the three-time NBA champion. He recently gifted LeBron with a Big Baller Brand stroller, hoping instead of having to carry him during games, James could push him.

 

Lonzo explained the thought process behind the gift. "Being carried feels kind of newborn-esque, being pushed in a stroller is more toddler type stuff and I feel like that's definitely where I am with my game at this point thanks to the incredible training my dad's been putting me through." When asked for specifics on the summer training program his father LaVar Ball has put together for him, Lonzo provided insight into their unorthodox methods.

 

"He has me watch him shoot around. I sit there and cheer really loud, give him high fives, come up with chants and stuff. He says it's for me and not him, but sometimes I feel like maybe that's not the case." When pressed on how this unusual practice will benefit him come the start of the NBA season, Lonzo pointed out he needs practice high-fiving and cheering for James.

 

 

Anticipation is building for LeBron's official arrival at training camp. Lonzo is already hard at work coming up with phrases of encouragement he can yell from the bench (so far he's got "I love you LeBron, please don't leave me, I'm so sorry I'm not Kyrie"). While Lonzo continues to work on his cheering, father LaVar is talking up the Lakers newest addition, "That man is so good I could swear he came from one of my sperm. I watch him play and it's like looking in a damn mirror."

 

Meanwhile, LeBron was appreciative of his new teammate's gesture, thanking him in an exclusive interview with Stephan A. Smith (who wanted me to be sure to note that he is "a very good friend of LeBron James, and Lonzo if he has a good season").

 

 

He spoke extensively about how exhausting it was carrying the entire roster and coaching staff on his back. Specifically, "People don't realize how heavy J.R is. He looks skinny but when he's all up on your back, you can really feel it. You know what they say, 'Hennessy weighs more than muscle,'" James pointed out.

 

When asked who specifically frustrated him on the lackluster Cavs squad this season, other than J.R., James didn't point his massive fingers at any one person. "It's everyone" he said, while noting that "the other best players on my team were Kevin Love, Kyle Korver and Tristan Thompson. I'm out here trying to win a championship with two members of the Beach Boys and a Kardashian. Kim could probably play better help defense than the one I had," LeBron noted with a shake of the head. "We out to LA now though," he exclaimed before somewhat quietly muttering, "If I'm going to lose to the Warriors, it might as well be warm and sunny."

 

Photo by David Shankbone  ||  CC-BY-3.0

The Highest Level Of Special: Donald Trump

The Highest Level Of Special: Donald Trump

Putin To Run Things For A Bit

Putin To Run Things For A Bit