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Rachel Maddow Applauds Sean Hannity's New Gimp Suit

Rachel Maddow Applauds Sean Hannity's New Gimp Suit

A startling trend has been emerging over the past several weeks. High school was once a place where toxic demonstrations of masculinity propelled boys to the pinnacles of adolescent manhood and fame. But now, as evidenced by social media postings from students across the nation, this is no longer the case. All of the popular kids in high school now where gimp suits. 

The gimp suit is a garment made of leather or plastic that is primarily worn by submissives taking part in BDSM encounters. This skintight suit completely covers the wearer, in effect objectifying and denigrating them. The suit’s new found purpose in the high school environ is yet to be determined. 

Right wing pundits have been quick to cast the blame for this submissive fad on the so-called “leftist feminization of American masculinity.” Popular talk radio host Sean Hannity had this to say: “In my day the cool kids played football! I wasn’t allowed to play, but you better believe I watched. Now they’re out there being walked around on leashes! What would young me do? I would just have to sit there and watch as a cheerleader walks the quarterback around on all fours in a spandex suit. We all know the Clintons are behind this.”  

 

 

It is worthy to note that Gimps 'R' Us, the nation’s largest distributor of “submissive collared outfits” confirmed an order for Mr. Hannity on the same day he issued that statement.

Paxton Delaney, a senior and former football team captain at a suburban Virginia high school, has amassed a substantial social media following advocating for other teens to adopt the Gimp lifestyle. “It just makes sense. Like I feel I’m at my best when I’m shrouded in darkness and my master is whipping me. Football never could do that for me,” Delaney posted on Saturday. His 18 million social media followers are leading the way towards a new high school social hierarchy; one with the submissives on top.

This trend has been largely embraced and supported by national media outlets. MSNBC anchor Rachel Maddow has called this “the greatest thing to ever happen to our country.” Maddow continued, “No longer are men being applauded for acting dominant or for traditional toxically masculine values. Finally men are being put into the delicate submissive role. It is about time this shift has occurred. This is a major step to the feminist ideal happening in our schools right now. I’d like to see a man in a gimp suit rape a coed. This is huge. It could change everything,” she said in a brief monologue on her show this week.

 

 

“I don’t about the politics behind it,” Delaney said in a statement issued through his family’s attorney yesterday. “All I care about is that feeling when master puts the leash on me and walks me to class. Nothing else matters quite frankly.”

Gimps 'R' Us has reported record sales figures this week and is only projecting further increases in the future as more seek to adopt the Gimp lifestyle.

 

 

Photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America  || CC-BY-SA-2.0

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