Giddy GOP Congressmen Said To 'Soil Their Pants' During Strzok Hearings
Republican members of the House Judiciary and Oversight Committee who questioned FBI agent Peter Strzok about his investigation of President Donald Trump were reportedly so excited for the opportunity some wet their pants during the proceedings.
The unnamed source, a custodian working for a company contracted to perform maintenance in the committee room, said it was the first time he had seen such widespread staining of chairs for a question and answer session.
“I’ve seen this kind of thing before when someone like the Pope or George Clooney visited this place but not for some guy like this guy (Strozk),” he said. “When I came in some of those Republicans were giggling like school girls as they left. Usually their aides hold their folders but today a lot of the congressmen were holding their own junk. When I went to put away the nameplates it was real easy to figure out who did what.”
A GOP spokesperson adamantly denied its members were so excited they were unable to control their bladders. “While it may have seemed like the vigorous questioning of Strzok resulted in excessive moisture on the furniture by our members it was actually a result of the humidity in the room.”
When asked why the Democrats’ chairs only had snacks and napkins on them the official said, “I guess they must be cold-blooded.”
The Democrats issued a statement denying they were ‘cold-blooded’ and went on to say, “The room was air conditioned, it felt great. It would seem that the Republican members are simply unable to contain themselves when they don’t like what they hear.”
Said a long time Democrat who wished to remain anonymous, “You should have been in the chamber when Obama gave his inaugural speech. There wasn’t a dry eye or seat cushion across the aisle where my Republican colleagues sat. It smelled like a frat party over there.”
After the exchange of remarks everyone went outside for recess.