UNBIASED POLITICAL SATIRE & HUMOR FOR SNOWFLAKES LIKE YOU.

We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.

 

Kylie Jenner Congratulates France On Being 'Self-Made' World Cup Champions

Kylie Jenner Congratulates France On Being 'Self-Made' World Cup Champions

Kylie Jenner, while basking in the glow of her recent “youngest-ever self-made billionaire” status appointed by Forbes, has reached out to comment on France’s World Cup championship yesterday. While openly being of the belief that athletes, like most people, are beneath her, she expressed her excitement over France’s “self-made” champion status.

Jenner admits that she did not watch the game as she was busy monitoring the people who manage her social media accounts. But she says she knows how difficult it can be to rise to success, as she herself believes the Kardashian-Jenner clan to be a true American underdog story. “My life is just like France’s victory over Croatia yesterday,” she said.

While France would secure a 4-2 victory, they did receive a little help from Croatia in doing so. France scored one goal off of a penalty kick granted from a handball call, while the first goal of the game sadly went to France after Mario Mandzukic scored an own goal. “Well sometimes you need a little from the people around you if you want to be a self-made anything,” she quipped unironically.

 

 

“It’s all about brand awareness and crowdsourcing your ventures,” said an unaware 15-year-old rapidly scrolling through their Instagram feed. This is of course in response to a GoFundMe page that has been started to help Jenner raise the last $100M to bring her “self-made billionaire” status to fruition. The page itself has received minimal donations, so several other additional GoFundMe pages have been started to help raise donations for the main GoFundMe page, all with the intent of maintaining Kylie Jenner’s “individual” stance.

The Kardashian-Jenner clan have all spoken out in support of Kylie, with Kendall Jenner being perhaps the most outspoken of all of them. “I’ve been chugging Pepsi non-stop for a year now. I don’t understand why people are still mad about things.”

 

 

 

Photo by Hayu  ||  CC-BY-3.0

Trump Declares Trade War With Wakanda

Trump Declares Trade War With Wakanda

Democracy At Risk From Recent ‘President Popularity’ Survey

Democracy At Risk From Recent ‘President Popularity’ Survey