Western Europe Decides Trump Is Right
In a meeting at the NATO summit in Brussels this week, European leaders discovered that US President Donald Trump had irresistible arguments as to why he was the best brain in the room and why they should all base their domestic policy on his reasoning. He has never run a successful company or served his country, but he had pretty good ratings on television and that was enough to sway them into his camp.
Wearing a jacket that declared “Believe, obey, fight”, Turkey’s Recep Erdogan attended a NATO event in Brussels and left early saying, “I can’t believe these pansies think they will get anything done without a little fascism.” Trump waved him goodbye and drank from a glass of the tears of actual combat veterans. Various heads of state claimed they could not meet with the orange populist due to bone spurs, spurious plastic surgery, or dental work on their big, fat mouths.
Heads of state paid attention, with France’s Emmanuel Macron vowing to give up Pilates for golf, and Chancellor Angela Merkel expressing an interest in tanning. Much progress was made in Bullying 101, which left first lady (whoever she is – some generic white woman model) Mel-something a bit flummoxed as she has declared bullying her cause célèbre. Oh well. Maybe it was the doing of bullying, not the eradication of it.
The world weeps in gratitude for being shown the error of its ways. Spain’s Pedro Sanchez expressed that he would push for an amendment to their constitution to ensure that any malcontent could carry a firearm, even a semi-automatic weapon, in order to ensure safe and civil discussion of grievances across his ancient nation. “If it is good enough to ensure the peace and prosperity of the United States of Trump, then it is good enough for our peaceful alliance of provinces. After all, we discovered the Americas.” He neglected to mention Spain’s role in enslaving and killing most of the native population on the islands they colonized, but why split hairs? The world is at peace again. Celebrate.