Trump Slams Incredible Amazon Prime Day Deals As ‘Socialism,’ Still Searching For $1.50 Item To Reach One-Day Shipping Minimum
Washington, DC -- President Donald Trump today slammed rival Jeff Bezos’ Amazon Prime Day as “socialism at its worst,” but asked several White House media members throughout the day if they could find a $1.50 item so he could reach a qualifying minimum subtotal for one-day shipping.
“This is so frustrating, because I have selected this beautiful, absolutely beautiful light that has so many colors, it turns into hundreds, probably thousands of colors. And Alexa, you can tell her to make it blue, and then the whole room will get really, really blue. Because of this one light bulb. And I can put this on some kind of sunset mode, that means the room will start to get darker as I fall asleep,” Trump told gathered reporters.
“But of course I don’t sleep, I’m tweeting, I’m worrying about Germany, and talking to Kim Jong Un and doing the most presidential things. But the room is indigo, so that’s super-cool. But there is a really troubling problem.”
The president continued, “I want to order the bulb, this one for the White House master bedroom. It won’t arrive for a few days. Unless I add another Prime item that is at least $1.50. I can’t find anything that low, so, what, am I supposed to just throw away extra money to get the bulb quicker?”
“It was Bezos all along, egging me on into his Prime Day universe and spitting me out $1.50 short of next-day shipping. I’m not going to renew my Prime membership. Maybe.”
Photo by Gage Skidmore || CC-BY-SA-2.0