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Cristiano Ronaldo Retires From Fútbol To Begin New Career Playing Soccer

Cristiano Ronaldo Retires From Fútbol To Begin New Career Playing Soccer

Turin, Italy -- Like Michael Jordan before him, superstar athlete and global phenomenon Cristiano Ronaldo has decided to retire immediately from fútbol in order to start a new career playing soccer.

“I’m just ready for a change,” Ronaldo told reporters gathered outside his modest two-bedroom walk-up apartment. “I’ll leave it at that. No other comment at this time.”

Head Coach and father figure Phil Jackson is supportive of the move. “I hope he can find himself there. It’s been a very trying time for him and his family with the tax trials having been looming over his head for so long. I think he just needs a new challenge in life. Certainly soccer will be it.”

Teammate Scottie Pippen can’t believe this is his new reality. “I’m not ready to carry this club on my own. Maybe we should bring in Kukoc. Why would he retire from the sport when he’s on the top of his game? I’ll never truly understand this move.”

While many of Ronaldo’s Spanish fans are left heartbroken, they still hold out hope he may come back to at least sample some decent tapas or paella sometime in the near future.

 

 

Photo by Екатерина Лаут  ||  CC-BY-SA-3.0

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