Mar-a-Lago Hires Unexpected 3,000 ‘Seasonal Child Laborers’
Palm Beach, FL -- President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort has reportedly received a mysterious influx of over 3,000 ‘seasonal child laborers’ ready to work for a to-be-determined number of days or weeks, this coincidentally as the deadline to reunite all migrant children separated from their families at the US-Mexico border came and went.
“Call it dumb luck, these kids practically fell from the sky and into our laps. We’re always looking for great new legal international seasonal workers. And these kids of varying ages have all the proper paperwork hot off the presses and apparently no parents around to tell them to come home. We’ll get a lot of hours out of them,” said Mar-a-Lago General Manager Brit Langston.
“Mr. Trump has directed us to put them right to work. He has the best skilled child laborers in the world, always has. They’re not just for Ivanka’s handbags anymore. We need some more lotion boys out on the beach. Mrs. Smithman’s back is burning up, the sun seems to be really, really strong these days. At least when we can see it through all that haze. Maybe that’s the administration’s environmental policies at work? Hey, who am I to judge, I’m just the GM over here at Mar-a-Lago.”
Langston guesses the little guys and girls would be reunited with their home country after the summer season, when the club tends to die down a bit.
“Come the fall season, we’ll just need less small hands around here. President Trump will be back here a decent amount by then, so we’ll be good on the tiny hands.”