Washington, DC -- The White House is in an uproar upon discovering that saying "Robert Mueller" three times into a mirror causes him to appear and issue an indictment.
"We were just horsing around, you know?" says former White House staffer and new Cell Block 4 resident Logan Meyers. "Then all of sudden he's right there! And he slapped me with a conspiracy charge. I don't know how I'm going to spin this on my LinkedIn profile."
Sources say "patient zero" of this phenomenon is Paul Manafort. While hosting a slumber party for sheiks and Russian FSB agents, the former manager of the the Trump 2016 campaign entered the bathroom adjacent to the Lincoln Bedroom and recited Mueller's name three times on a dare. He is now in jail, awaiting trial on conspiracy and money laundering charges. He would only speak through his lawyers, saying, "Cocaine is a heck of a drug."
White House staffers have taken it upon themselves to cover, conceal, or remove all the mirrors in the White House as the president will likely see this as a challenge. "If it weren't for Twitter, he'd have sat down to an interview with Mueller already," said one staffer who wished to remain anonymous. "He's like a bull and Mueller is this red cape flapping in his face. That's what he said himself, like he never noticed the matador with the sword."
All those in the White House are suffering from the lack of mirrors, their hair greasy and in disarray. Except President Trump, who definitely does not wear a wig.