Sources: Merrick Garland’s Wife Nominates Him To Take Out The Trash Tonight
Washington, DC -- Lynn Garland reportedly has nominated husband Merrick Garland to take out the trash this evening, according to nosey neighbors.
As Senator Chuck Schumer lobbies President Donald Trump to nominate former President Barack Obama’s original pick to replace Antonin Scalia, the man himself has been mostly hanging out at home on the couch. Sure, he’s supposedly the Chief United States Circuit Judge of the United States Court of Appeals in DC, but he sure has been doing a whole lot of nothing around the house since his disappointing Supreme Court saga began.
“We heard him telling Lynn he was just going to be too dang busy to take out the trash ever again, what with abortion, gay wedding cakes and gerrymandering taking so much of his ‘mental space’ as he put it,” said one anonymous neighbor. “I personally think he was just trying to shirk his responsibilities at home.”
We’re told the judge will in fact take out the trash and all recyclables after dinner, or perhaps after he takes a “short nap.”
“I wouldn’t count on this whole Merrick thing working out, maybe Lynn can call on a far-right conservative to make this garbage thing happen,” our neighbor source tells us.