Report: Scott Pruitt Begging Aides To Update His Résumé Today
Washington, DC -- Aides for now former Environmental Protection Agency Scott Pruitt have been hard at work all day updating his résumé on Indeed.com, according to several reports.
Pruitt, the embattled EPA head, ordered his staff to begin editing his CV and cover letter a few minutes before he handed President Donald Trump his resignation letter. That letter, oddly enough, was printed on the backside of a copy of one of the temporary résumés his staff was hard at work on, “just in case the president would consider Pruitt for maybe, like, another job presiding over a decent government agency that has a staff with not that much else to do besides assist in his personal life.”
One aide didn’t have much time to comment. “I’m going to lose my job if I can’t update these qualifications yesterday if you know what I mean,” she said. “Okay, so I have ‘Dismantled huge overbearing government agency,’ ‘Somehow untouchable for nearly a couple years,’ what else do you think works here?”
Another aide, Scotty Chocklesmith, was at an adjacent computer applying to sales jobs on behalf of Mrs. Pruitt.
“These two sold the American people on their ability to be decent, hard-working people. Natural salespeople. Lazy, corrupt sacks of garbage. Is that a skill? I’ll add that here.”
Photo by Gage Skidmore || CC-BY-SA-2.0