Trump To Scrap Halfwit Affirmative Action Policy, Looking To Hire Smart People ASAP
Washington, DC -- President Donald Trump has decided to scrap his administration's current affirmative action policy which targets dimwits, halfwits and imbeciles, and replace it with a more broad policy of hiring those who are not dimwits, halfwits or imbeciles.
While the Obama presidency is noted for pushing many institutions to adopt affirmative action, this particular administration’s directive came directly from the top. “I really did want the worst of the worst. The bad hombres. Those that were so dumb and likeminded that we could grind this entire government to a complete halt,” the president commented this morning.
“And wow, in my wildest dreams I didn’t think we could actually pull it off as fantastically as we have. In fact, it worked too well. We’re going to have to get at least a couple intelligent folks in here as soon as possible. Maybe a couple of people wearing big-boy pants, you know what I mean? Hey, has anyone seen my big-boy pants,” the president asked aides as they frantically began to search.
“Where are the big-boy pants? Please find them now. If we had some smart guys in here, I probably wouldn’t have lost them in the first place. Dang it.”
The president did not begin his search immediately as a nap was needed.