We Only Report What We Want to Hear. You Decide.


Republican Party To Franchise Its Own Damn Restaurant

Republican Party To Franchise Its Own Damn Restaurant

Due to recent controversy, the Republican party is set to open its own chain of restaurants this week in a collection of small towns across the US, inside sources report.

Vice President Mike Pence spoke on the subject at a rally, branding it as an attempt to rebuild the middle class.

“We do what we can, we enjoy feeding people.” Pence stated. “It gives me a chance to dance around in a little cooking smock.”

However, Democrats suggest the decision was in response to two Republican party representatives receiving harsh feedback from local restaurants and their patrons. The connection was made by analysts when the franchise name was decided on: Middle Class Scapegoats. 

“I wasn’t mad at all, really, it’s fine,” said White House Press Secretary and franchise CEO Sarah Huckabee Sanders.


The menu holds 5 items and a plethora of domestic beer options. Each dish will be Oscar Meyer meat-based. For quality assurance, each employee’s neck tag will include a copy of their social security card.

Streets were flooded when the very first Middle Class Scapegoats had its grand opening in Washington, D.C. Food critics were ready to experience a political take on dining. 

“I was aware my friends told our waitress that it was my birthday, but I wasn’t expecting their whole staff to bring out a flaming duck while shouting, ‘SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!’” said restaurant critique Trevor Metley. 

“I was at this real whole-in-the-wall place, and they offered me this real exuberant birthday chant,” added Middle Class Scapegoats general manager Kristjen Nielson. “It had so much culture, I felt that it would make MCS feel like a home.” 

Coincidentally, the franchise has settled on 32 locations – each within a few blocks of the Mexican chain restaurant, On The Border. Allegations have been made on whether or not this was done on purpose.


Donald Trump seems most excited for the franchise to begin production. He issued a statement from the White House regarding the impact Middle Class Scapegoats will have on our country. Trump has required that every lunch sold in US public schools must include a coupon to the restaurant. 

“It’s going to be great, the food will be awesome, and people will be having the best time ever,” stated Trump. “Nobody in history has ever done this.” 

It is unclear where the funding is coming from to open up all 32 locations. Let us hope it isn’t coming from our education budget.


Southwest Ad Campaign: 'It Was Just One Passenger!'

Southwest Ad Campaign: 'It Was Just One Passenger!'

Perversion Of Justice: Top Lawyer Prepared To Flip

Perversion Of Justice: Top Lawyer Prepared To Flip