Space Force: Martians Tell Trump, 'Not On My Watch'
Washington, D.C. - The Prime Minister of Mars released a statement last week that the creation of a "so-called ‘Space Force’ by the divisive Terrans" would not be tolerated in or around Martian interplanetary borders. Prime Minister Marvin’s statement to the UN, written in English, stated, “We consider this an act of aggression. Mars will not be a migrant holding facility for the puny green planet’s infantile space immigrants. For far too long, the Martian Planetary Council has been lax with immigration policy, and their offices and agents haven't been allowed to properly do their jobs. We will simply be strictly enforcing immigration laws already on the books."
The statement comes in response to President Trump's comments last week at a meeting of the National Space Council. “Space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air and sea. We must have American dominance. I'm hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a space force as the sixth branch of the armed forces."
The Martian Prime Minister wrote, "These so-called migrants are speciests and murderers. We don't want what happened to that s*hole rock they call ‘Moon’ to happen to us. It’s now a Terran dumping ground for their childish school science projects. I will not allow that to happen to Mars. Not on my watch.” The Prime Minster added that if necessary, the Martian Planetary Council will "build a wall and the Terrans will pay for it.”
Experts in Martian law from the ACLU have stated that details of current Martian immigration policy are confusing, as the legal written language of Mars has a non-linear conceptual structure. “Our best linguists have been working on deciphering it for months. The best we can tell is that it contains some kind of recipes.”